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Let Your
Athlete Resolve Problems With
Coaches: By Rick Wolff
Consider
these dilemmas sports parents frequently face:
·
“My son spent
all summer working on his ball handling and passing, because he wanted
to be the point guard on the basketball team.
He really improved those skills, but the coach is playing him at
forward, and my son seems to be lost on the court.
I want to say something to the coach but…..”
·
“I think my
daughter has been playing pretty well on the high school
softball team, but over the last couple of games, she has not
been in the starting lineup.
Maybe I should talk to the coach…..”
·
“It is clear
that this coach isn’t motivating
my kid. I don’t want to
intervene, but I’ve worked with
my Johnny for a long time, and I know how to get the most out of him.
I think I should tell the coach how to get to my son.”
On one hand, the parent knows he/she shouldn’t interfere with what
the coach is doing. Then again, if a
parent thinks his or her child
-- and that child’s athletic performances – would benefit
most if the parent talked with the coach, why shouldn’t he or she?
Aren’t parents obligated to do what is best for their
youngsters
You will be doing what is best for
your child if you step aside and have your son or daughter
speak with the
coach. That’s the smartest
most beneficial approach to these types of situations.
You might think that more will be accomplished if you do the
talking:
“No kid can
have as constructive a conversation as an adult can.”
But in the long run the, the lessons your child learns by
meeting with the coach outweigh those concerns.
Knowing how to speak up in a civilized manner when something
isn’t going your way is an important part of sports and life in
general. At some point, your
child must stand on her own two feet and not rely on her parents to
take care of the problems for her.
If you want her to cope with challenges and conflicts, then
handling a problem with a coach is a valuable early lesson.
Of course, for most kids in high school or junior high, having a
one-to-one chat with a coach can be a
most daunting task. It
takes courage, diplomacy, and most of all, the ability to listen
carefully to what the coach says.
So she might need you to assist her as she prepares for the
conversation. You can help her
write an outline of the points she wants to make, and then let her
rehearse her “presentation” with you.
Encourage her to take a list of questions to the meeting, and
tell her to listen carefully to the coach’s responses.
Those words are just as important as what the youngster says.
(Coaches, be careful what you say, because many kids will only
listen for praise and ignore constructive criticism.)
At the end of the meeting, the athlete and coach should recap the
discussion’s key points to avoid any misunderstandings
about what was said. For support, you can take your child to the meeting, but if you do, wait outside and let her have the conversation on her own. What happens if the meeting doesn’t go well, or if your child comes home confused by what the coach said or didn’t say? Then you might want to make an appointment with the coach by yourself or with your child to follow up. Be sensitive to the coach’s position, and try to focus on just those issues that directly affect your son or daughter. Volunteering your opinions on the coach’s game strategy or other players on the team is totally inappropriate. Teaching your young athlete how to confront issues head-on will only help him or her in sports and beyond. Every athlete must deal with adversity at some point. Those who know how to confront it and cope with it are the ones who will succeed. 
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