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DODGE
PRESENTS
Parents’ Guide To
Youth Sports
Losing The
Leadership Of Our Classic Coaches
BY RICK WOLFF
It may sound like a fairy tale, but
once upon a time coaches at all levels of youth sports were
tough
– and respected
for it. They were fair, and
their word was close to law.
If you wanted to talk to Coach, you did so without Mom or Dad or the
family attorney there. He
didn’t have to
answer to overzealous parents for his decisions.
Nobody ever thought of appealing sports concerns to the
school’s athletic
director or the school principal, school board or superintendent.
Coaches pushed you and your teammates to do your best, and
you tried hard to live up to the words he used every day in
practice: dedication, commitment, sacrifice, teamwork.
You knew that the coach would notice if you hustled and had
the right attitude, and best of all was when he told you that he
like your work. For him to
single you out was high
– and rare
– praise.
Parents went to games but rarely to
practice. And I can’t recall ever
hearing about a dad calling a coach at his home during the
evening or a parent getting in a coach’s face about
playing time. It just
wasn’t done.
Unfortunately,
that’s not the way
it is anymore, and we’re losing some
great coaches as a result.
With heavy parental involvement and interference
today, many influential coaches who once played such an
important roles in the community are driven to give it up,
citing the stress and pressures of the job.
But aren’t we parents
the same people who used to revere the coach when we were
growing up? Why in
the name of
“protecting our
kids” are we
depriving them of the same kind of coach/player
relationships we often credit with helping us grow up?
It isn’t
easy for a parent to see a child getting the tough love
treatment from a coach
whose style
might seem abrasive or standoffish.
You might want to step in and ask why the coach is
treating your youngster in this manner.
But think of it this way:
You don’t give your
child every thing she wants all the time.
In fact, you often give her a dose of your own tough
love. Even though
your youngster might think you’re being a
little harsh, you know you have her best interests in mind.
A good coach—even one with
a gruff, off-with-the-kid-gloves demeanor
–has the same
thoughts and goals.
He isn’t giving his
players a hard time just because he thinks that’s what a coach
is supposed to do. He’s doing it
because he wants the children to learn something, and he
knows mixing a little adversity with deserved positive
reinforcement will help a youngster mature in important
ways.
A good way to get a sense of a coach’s
effectiveness is to talk with his or her former players.
They’ll often say
that the Coach was tough when they played for him, that
maybe they didn’t even like
him much. But now,
looking back, they realize how much they learned from the
coach—and not just
about sports.
The next time your child encounters a coach with old-school
style and ideals, take a step
back before
stepping in. Give the
coach the time and the space he’s earned.
If your son/daughter complains about something, don’t overreact.
Tell your athlete to be patient, to work hard.
Remind your athlete that respect has to be earned
from the coach; respect was never meant just to be handed
out.
As a sports parent myself, I want my kids to have the same kind
of coaches that I had
when I was a
young athlete. I’ve forgotten
about the wins and losses in my sports career, but I
remember my coaches.
Art Mann. Eric Kantor Karl Wiehe. Mike Cannold.
Their lessons made the difference in my life.
Interfering with a coach’s leadership,
no matter his style, could deny your kids similar
experiences.
Rick Wolff is chairman of the Center for
Sports Parenting (
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